On spirituality as friendliness and kindness.

We often think that spirituality as the art of life in love has to do with “friendliness.” Paul, we know, reminded the faithful to let their friendliness be known to all. And we also think that we follow him when, in love, we tolerate everything. As spiritual people we like to think that finger-pointing is out, embracing the other is in. Spiritual leaders nowadays tend not to preach hell and damnation, shout at the church members or instruct them what to do with their lives.

We often think that a spiritual person is a friend of all. We are careful to speak our mind which we so often prayerfully weigh in terms of the mind of Christ. We are hesitant to criticize where we feel God’s will is not being done. We would rather keep silent than risk our opinion. We would rather accept what makes us feel uncomfortable than speak out about our innermost feelings.

It is true that spirituality is about being considerate and non-judgmental. Kindness and friendliness are beatiful virtues. All human beings deserve to be respected for their inner dignity. The other person has an own responsibility for his or her life. It is only the busybody who pokes her or his nose in someone else’s business. One should not judge too easily and too quickly. We allow a space for all within which they can discover a meaningful existence. Everyone has the potential to be a Zaccaeus.

But all this does not mean that one should quietly accept everything others do. Spirituality is more than a faith that is always accepting without ever revealing one’s own reservation and concerns. And, in addition, our kindness towards others often entails more than mere caring and sharing for them, more than motivating and supporting them. There is a moment that they need to know what we really think.

We need to remember how easily our friendliness is a way to increase our popularity. Then our friendliness serves our own ends. We gain recognition and acceptance by being friendly, not saying a word when things go wrong, or when we are too afraid to speak out.

The great mystics did not hesitate to speak their minds and did not fear opposition or rejection. Often they witnessed unto death. They consoled, they comforted, they supported. But they did not hesitate to talk openly about their convictions and beliefs. There comes the time that the believer has to say what is on her or his mind.